Believe in your child — before they earn it

Believing in your child is like nurturing a plant. With the right dose of belief — like water — and support — like sunlight — your child will grow resilient, blossom beautifully, and weather life's challenges. It is the most precious gift you can give them.

Children often see themselves through their parents' eyes. When you believe in them, it instills a sense of self-worth. They begin to think: "If my parents have faith in me, then I must be capable." This simple act of belief becomes the soil in which everything else grows.

A story I tell often

In 1991, our family visited the United States, where my brother Arun owned a computer software business. My children had received a little exposure to computers at school, but owning a personal computer was a rare luxury in India then. In the US, we had easy access to computers at home — and a world of possibility opened up for them.

When we returned to India, my elder son expressed a strong desire for a desktop computer. While I was convinced of the educational benefits, my husband had reservations. He took our son to someone knowledgeable about computers to ask if it was suitable for a 10-11-year-old to have one. Unfortunately, the advice they received was discouraging: it would likely be used for gaming.

My son returned home crestfallen. I promised him we would get the computer soon — with the condition that he would use it responsibly. To show I meant it, I began saving money for it. Witnessing our determination, my husband eventually embraced the idea. We bought one from a cousin who delivered it and showed my son how to use it.

That investment turned out to be pivotal. Both my sons, Aman and Ashish, started programming young. Both went on to study at IIT Delhi. Both built careers as software engineers. The foundation was laid in that one act — believing in their potential when others doubted it.

Trust before expectations

Not every endeavour will end in success. Success and failure are two sides of the same coin. But that should never lead you to lose faith in your child. Instead, help them understand what might have gone wrong. Sometimes children learn best through trial and error. Help them gather more information, find a tutor, research online — but give them the chance to show what they can do.

I often see parents end conversations with their children prematurely, making it hard for the child to express their thoughts. It is crucial to be present and supportive, even when it feels daunting. Encourage your child to try new things. Allow them to express their ideas. Rather than being a boss, try to be a friend — someone who listens, engages, and respects their inner world.

The girl who became a lawyer

Years ago, while tutoring younger students, I met a fragile, timid girl in sixth grade. Her siblings teased her. Her classmates ridiculed her. Her self-belief was almost gone. Despite being in sixth class, she could not confidently do basic addition and subtraction.

Her potential was not the problem. Her confidence was. I asked the other children to treat her with respect. I assured her she could excel — but first she needed to rebuild her belief in herself. Patiently, I taught her arithmetic and gave her time to practise alone. As her confidence grew, her teachers were astonished.

Today, she is a skilled lawyer. Her future may even take her to the bench.

This is what belief does. It is not soft. It is not sentimental. It is the most practical investment you can make in a child's future.

What it looks like in everyday life

Believing in your child is not a single conversation. It is small, daily, and consistent. Here is what it tends to sound like in my own home:

• "I trust you to figure this out" — said before they even ask.
• "What did you learn from that?" — instead of "I told you so."
• "I will help you get the resources, but the work is yours" — said with warmth, not coldness.
• "You are not your last mistake" — said when they need it most.

Avoid the pitfall of comparing your child to others. Don't base your parenting on the advice of relatives. Your family is unique. You understand your child's needs better than anyone. Trust your instincts. Make the decision that is right for your child and your family.

Adapted from the chapter Believe in Your Child in Balanced Parenting: Nurturing with Purpose & Love.